Settling in: shopping and cooking

We slept in our townhouse Friday night,  rather than staying at host house#2. Kyle ended up working late that night and Tom and I went out to dinner with Brian.  Other than the fact that we had no food at our house there was no excuse not to stay there,  wifi be damned. I should check into upping the data on our phones for the month.
Saturday we hit the ground running: chiro, bank,  furniture store for a rug I saw on clearance the night before.  I am of the philosophy,  if it is still there the next day it was meant to be,  especially dice I had a few cocktails with dinner.  It was. 
Then we went to Home Depot armed with a Scrip ecard, lunch delivery for Kyle at work, because the groceries don't show up on their own, and then Post Office, where we missed the moody postal workers by 15 minutes.  Boxes will have to be picked up on Monday. Next we shopped for mattresses at the high school fund raiser and walked away with a great deal.
After dropping Tom and Brian off in St Paul for a beer outing I did some speed shopping at Ikea.  I was grateful to be on my own.  Speed shopping is better done on your own. My cart was overflowing of many little things that turn a house into a home like flatware sorter,  bathroom rug and such.
By this time the snow storm was really settling in,  but the Yukon continued to handle it well.  A quick speed shopping run through Cub Foods then I headed home to make the first meal in the townhouse,  unload the truck and figure out where things should go.
A kitchen without a pantry perplexes me. It has been a long time since I used regular cabinets as a pantry. That takes some serious organization skills. Assembling cube shelving was next on the agenda.  I really need to buy some wine!
The evening ended with the three of us finally in our new home,  food in the kitchen and stomachs and some decor making it or own.

Sigh of Relief

This week things started coming together, except for me keeping up with work that is.  Work will come together soon. I couldn't ask for a better team of co-workers with regards to work or emotional support.  I recently joined the Foundation team full time, but have been with them part time and temp for a few years, and the Zoo team has been phenomenal too.

We've had meetings with two contractors and were blown away, positively, by one.  Both are recommended, preferred contractors with our insurance company, USAA.  We'll follow up with USAA and set up conversations with a few families that have been through this to make sure our heads are in the right place before we commit to one of the restoration contractor companies.

Tonight is our last night with our host  family, who have graciously enveloped us into their lives.  I will miss having the support system right there, but am acutely aware that the bonds we've strengthened are only a phone call away.

Today was a landmark day.  Furniture was delivered to our rental townhouse.  The two guys that brought the furniture were so very nice and polite.  The company is used by the placement company, who is contracted by USAA.  I learned that they frequently are furnishing homes for families that are displaced and I could tell that they probably had been trained on some sensitivity.  Not that I was emotional, you know me, but they just were so kind asking about furniture placement and such.

We aren't staying in the townhouse tonight because we have no food... not even food that goes on food (inside joke) and we have no Wifi!  I know it's a bit ridiculously privileged, but there is a ton of emails and stuff we are doing on our phones hourly that I really don't want to eat into our data, not to mention blogging, Netflix and facebook Oh! My!

A full day of work is on the schedule for tomorrow, spending the night at host family #2 because they've generously offered their empty house for the night.  Did I mention Wifi? Saturday we get to finish moving into the townhouse and grocery shop, so much grocery shopping, and hit the mattress fundraiser at the high school. The boys' high school is doing a fund raiser for nice quality mattresses. 

The mattresses we got from the rental company are nice, but why not replace our mattresses and help the school now rather than in 9 months.  We'll see if it is a wise decision now.  I am also reserving the right to not make this decision too because I realize large expensive commitments are not the wisest move at this point in our lives

I've also been in contact with our Schwan's frozen food delivery guy that we've know for probably close to12 years and he's making a delivery next week.  I don't even think our new address is in his route area, but he's amazing and will swing by.

Progress.  A big sigh of relief as we move to the next stage.  Next on the agenda is to dream about house design, layout and affordability.  When is the Parade of Homes?

Relocating for the Weekend

We are so very truly grateful for our friends that have welcomed us into their home while we navigate the process of getting into a temporary home.  We have been welcomed into a very spacious home that provided us a private space for us to sleep and collect the belongings that we need to get by from day to day. It's quite amazing how much and how quickly that happens.

The host family has a college kid and he was looking forward to coming home, with friends, for the long weekend.  So we packed up our clutter of stuff into new totes.  Our lives reduced to a collection of totes rather than rooms, and me being the fanatic about organization and that I hate digging through things unnecessarily, I created themes for the bins.  We have a pantry, an office, a linen closet (not really for linens, but toiletries) and a catch all bin.  The items that coworkers have generously given us are also being organized into totes of their own, in attempt to contain our clutter.

Armed with organized totes and our individual suitcases of clothes packed for a long weekend we moved ourselves to another wonderful host home of a family that also has a lovely large home with kids away at college.  The stress of having to move really crept up on me.  As much as I completely understood why and was comforted of having a place to go, I felt my Thursday crumble and my ability to focus at work disappear.  I ended up leaving work early to get ourselves organized.

Thursday wasn't all bad.  We got confirmation of our rental being approved and set up the delivery of our rental furniture for next week.  Sadly the townhouse we'll be moving into won't allow cats at all.  It was a challenging decision to make, but dragging out our placement any more.  It appears that rental properties that meet the relationship standards of our insurance company in our area are hard to come by.  We're happy about the location.  It's on Tom's route to work and not far from a direct route for me to get to work easily either.

The weekend involved a lot of relaxing.  Catching up with our friends hosting for the weekend and a few errands on Saturday and then... where else do you go when you need to rebuild a house? The Home and Remodeling Show.  We spent over four hours looking at kitchen ideas, cabinet colors, flooring, being tempted by steamers, window washing tools and painters a tape dispenser.  We found most of those items online, for future purchases, cheaper and also learned that every time we thing about a purchase we ask for the veteran's discount.

Monday a snow and ice storm moved in, which just makes me think about all the exposed parts of the house.  Not that there is anything else we want to recover, we think, but you just never know.  Luckily I didn't have to work, but that didn't keep me off the streets.  I picked up some soup and salad from the Fresh Thyme and had a lovely lunch with a dear friend.

I feel ready to tackle the new week.  Lots of stuff to do at work to get back on track of where I should be.  The end of the month is looming, so data entry needs to be tackled.  We've got appointments to make with contractors and move on to the next phase.  Moving into the rental and planning the rebuild.

Songs and Smells

They say that your strongest memories are tied to smells.  I hope the memory of smoke doesn't stick with me.  Instead I will savor the smell of the roses I got from Tom for Valentine's Day and the comforting smell of a warm cup of chai tea I'm enjoying from the Kurig at our host family's home.

Trying to decide if an item that we've cleaned a number times is rid of the smell of smoke is almost becoming humorous.  "Here, smell this.  Does it smell like smoke?"  it's almost like asking if the milk is sour.

Many of my strong memories are tied to songs too.  I have to be honest music is played louder this past week, especially when it's a song I really love.  This morning it was Peter Gabriel's Solsbury Hill.  That song always dug at my heart strings.  I think it's much more about the melody than the lyrics.  My heart does go "boom, boom, boom for the eagle's flying over the route I drive to work.  A couple of days ago it was Van Halen's Right Now.

Work was tough today. So many distractions.  I struggled to stay focused.  It's probably from poor sleep; some nights are better than others.  I thought I slept well last night.  Falling asleep during my massage, for the car accident, indicated otherwise.  After that I caved to the day, picked up food for dinner and some storage bins to organize the belongings we are accumulating due to the immense generosity of friends and co-workers.

The article published in the Farmington Independent.  The journalist said nice things, but it was very poorly written, sadly.  I was so glad that she did share the support we are getting from our communities.

We'll be staying at another friend's home for the weekend to make room for the college son of our host family.  Having boys his age, I completely understand his desire to come home and bring friends.  It will be nice to be with other friends and have a pretty full agenda for the weekend.  It's Home and Garden Show weekend!  Where else would we want to spend a Sunday.  We've got to start thinking about what we want done to our home when it gets rebuilt.

Tonight's entry is such a mind jumble.  Hopefully I can be a bit more focused again.

Boxes and Bins

Tom and I started the day at our respective work places trying to get as much done as one can in a few hours and with many distractions (in our heads and around us).  At noon we met with the first contractor that will be submitting a bid on the rebuild.

It's still cold.  Like shaking muscles cold.  I'm sure a lot of that has to do with stress, but it's super weird when you thigh muscles just shake violently.  Thankfully I have a long coat, so maybe only I know what is going on.  It was actually warmer outside than inside the shell of our house.  I will be so grateful for the warmer day ahead on Wednesday.

The rebuild sends my head spinning.  The contractor talked about what we'd be interested in doing to the floor plan, very briefly.  So much depends on whether the firehose water damaged the foundation.  At this point all I know is that I really want to put the kitchen where the living room was and the living room where the kitchen was.  Why in the world anyone would design a house so you had to walk through the living room to put groceries away, not to mention going up half a flight of stairs.  I also know I really want a bathtub in my master bath.  We had the tiniest bathroom.  Those things are dreams and I hope they can happen.  The priority though would be much better windows, so we don't feel the wind coming through the casings as it whips across the farm field behind us.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with the thought of making choices about stuff.  I'm not very good when given too many options.  I couldn't even choose baby food when Blake was an infant.  I stood there looking at all those jars and felt anxious.  To me it was so much easier to just buy fresh food steam it and make my own.  How in the world will I be able to pick wall colors, flooring, cabinetry...  Hopefully whoever builds the house will narrow down the choices because of budget.

We weren't at the house very long.  There really wasn't much for the contractor to do until he gets more info from the adjuster like if every wall will be torn down.  I'm guessing yes.

After a wonderful lunch at Bourbon Butcher we headed to the storage unit.  They had a larger one available for us to move into so we can actually go through stuff.  This was amazing!  I got to really see what we pulled out.  There were so many totes with photos, negatives and memorabilia.  Even a cardboard box with photos that I got from when my grandmother passed away.  They may all stink like smoke but I have them.  Everyone!!! store your stuff in totes!  Transparent ones are great to be able to have a quick look at what they contain.  They wouldn't survive flames or direct heat, but they survived the water and direct smoke.

Of course we had to stop at a store; I needed more underwear.  Four pair just won't cut it.

After a chicken dinner from Cub we returned a call to the Farmington Independent.  The lady was super gracious and sympathetic.  Hopefully the article, if it is written, is kind.  I mentioned how amazing our support groups are and how much everyone is helping. I hope she recognizes that.  I don't think this would be bearable if it weren't for the wonderful people that have reached out with support.

newspaper interview

The weekend - finally

Saturday morning we headed out to see a possible rental that our insurance found.  We really like it.  Sadly the owner of the town homes won't allow cats at all.  Big dogs are OK, but not cats.  I don't get it, but it's his property, so his rules.  We told the placement person that we'd like her to keep looking for another day before we commit to not having a cat in our lives for possibly a full year.

Then Tom dropped me off at the Zoo so I could get back in the groove of volunteering at the Zoo.  It's my happy place, my therapy and where I find solace.  I knew I wouldn't be able to last long with not sleeping well for a week, but I stuck it out for about 4 1/2 hours.  It was refreshing to see the bustling of the Zoo and feel the warmth of the Tropics Trail.  

Kyle escaped to visit with friends for the night and Tom and I picked up some soup for dinner.  Our host family were busy doing their own things, which allowed us to have a quiet evening to ourselves with a late errand to pick up a few things at Target.  We spend a lot of time running to the store.  It's exhausting.  That and telling the story.  That is exhausting.  I know it is important to do it though.  Telling your story helps you get a grip around it.  It helps you compartmentalize the emotions around it and helps you let the junk go.

I made a registry to share with my work family listing some things that will help us rebuild the personal items we lost to be able to make a house run, like sheets, glasses, plates etc.  I love that there is a registry like the one recommended to me that allows you to list things and that they can be second hand.  It's not tied to a store.  Stuff in people's closets, garages and storage spaces.  Do you have an extra set of Full sized sheets?  Well I put it on there.  I had so much of that kind of stuff.  I wish I'd been able to give it to someone rather than it burning up or stinking of smoke.  The registry is hosted at SoKindRegistry.org, in case you ever want to use it for yourself or to recommend it.

I woke up early again on Sunday.  This poor sleeping is crap.  I need 8 hours.  I'm a baby about it.  Waking up between 3:30 and 4:30 for the day is awful.  I didn't have to go anywhere at any particular time, so I was able to hang our in my pjs for a while and eat a leisurely breakfast.  I can't thank our host family enough for taking us in.  Staying in a hotel would be miserable.  Being able to make my own food, a cup of coffee when I want and just lounging in a living room is so wonderful.

Of course we had to go to the stores again in the afternoon.  This time we spent Kohl's cash!  That was wonderful.  Tom and Kyle needed more stuff.  I thankfully have been the recipient of some amazing clothes from coworkers and my dear, dear LuLa Roe friend and a huge number of her customers.  Putting on some cute clothes to go out shopping with the guys was wonderful.  I even teased Kyle that I may reinvent my style.  Maybe go Bohemian, haha!  Hey, when you are starting from scratch, why not.

I also got to go to Joann's to replace my yarn for the temperature scarf I was crocheting.  I hadn't crocheted since middle school and thought the project would be a fun diversion from my phone or tablet.  It was.  Thanks to a fellow crafter that understands the need and desire to craft I replaced my yarn and started the first few rows over, again.  This time I'm really focused on keeping my stitches looser.  I won't have Izzy to help, but I will remember him fondly as I crochet.

We finished Sunday night with the five us enjoying a hearty meal and then a board game and LPs on the record player.  Sequence is a super fun gamer.  I plan on adding it to our collection when we get settled in a home of our own.

Thank goodness for the weekend.  It really charged me up for a busy week ahead.

Day 5 - Friday - It just seems a normal day (Supertramp)

Friday couldn't have been more normal if it tried, thankfully.  Granted I didn't get enough sleep the night before.  4:30 is not a welcome hour to wake up, unless of course it's your normal time, like probably most of the keepers I know and Tom.  So I can't complain.

I was able to get a full day at work.  I didn't produce a full day of work, but I plugged away at it.  Periodically thru the day I'd get texts from Tom about appointments with contractors for next week and check ins from wonderful friends.

The end of the day wrapped up with Adult Night at the Zoo with some dear friends and another couple.  We ended up all going out for a yummy meal and a cocktail.  Just enough to send my exhaustion into bed as soon as we got back to our host house.

Normal can be unremarkable, but so very welcome.

Day 4 Thursday - Digging In

I got to go to work today for a few hours of normalcy. I also got to engage with some more amazing friends and coworkers. But first, let me just say how amazing it was to put on a put of jeans given to me and they fit!

It is crazy and hard to wrap our heads around the generosity that is coming our way. The loaning of tools, the gifting of a coffee pot, bean grinder, mugs and coffee and then there was the bag of items from a fellow staff member that experienced a flood recently. A file folder for receipts, pens, notepad and some kitchen stuff. We will put our lives together in spite of the fire with the support of all the people we know.

I got to lunch with my fellow Thursday volunteers and that was so refreshing and comforting. They had a potluck, so that was comforting too. Can you beat homemade corn chowder!?!

Tom spent the day at the house with his best friend. They dug through insulation debris to find jewelry, tools, personal treasures and found many of them. They also prepped spaces for a team of folks that showed up at 3 pm layered upwith, with flashlights on their heads, and arms at the ready to take anything out of the house they could. Not furniture, but all my storage bins in closets and pans and anything that wasn't too terribly smoke damaged or pourous. The pourous stuff absorbed the smoke smell... So much for all the Pampered Chef stones. They were pretty dingy anyway, right?

At least 15 people were there. Most were Tom's coworkers that came straight from work  and there were neighbors too. We never could have collected the stuff if it weren't for my online community of Farmington housewives that provided boxes, totes and newspapers to wrap things in and absorb the smell.

The neighborhood! Oh, my goodness! They collected goodies for a most amazing gift basket that will keep us in a glorious sugar high for quite some time. There was a lovely giant card signed by so many families made from poster board. I look so forward to getting back on our street to celebrate with all of them. I know this happened directly to us, but I see how so many people are taking this and it breaks my heart. I can't imagine watching the house burn as a neighbor, how helpless they must have felt. I can't even word this correctly.

The night wrapped up with a yummy meal and movie at the host house.

Day 4 - Wednesday.... Back to Work

I finally felt I was in a place to get back to work after my morning chiropractor appointment.  Remember... I had a car accident in December.  For those that don't remember I was rear ended by a drunk driver.  The car that was sandwiched between the drunk and me had a bunch more damage than my beast of a Yukon did.

Getting to work was exhausting.  I probably told my story half a dozen times before I even turned my computer on.  I'm not complaining at all.  I understand the importance in sharing the story for both the processing on my side and for those that are feeling the anguish because they are close to me and our family.  I am so touched by the emotions that are shared and all the support.  I'm absolutely sure this would be unbearable if I didn't have such an extensive support of coworkers, fellow volunteers and zoo friends.

While I was at the Zoo Tom did a few errands in the morning to get a few things for Kyle and then he also headed into work for a meeting.  It was probably just as therapeutic for Tom and it was for me to do something that was part of our normal lives.  Kyle will also get back to a shift at the pool this weekend.

Late in the afternoon we headed to the Microsoft store to replace our Surface.  You can only do so much on a cell phone.  I guarantee I'd have given up on this blog if I had to peck it out on a cell keyboard.

I closed out the evening at a gathering of fellow Essential Oils folks.  Just breathing in the smells and healing powers of the oils was fantastic.  I plan to get a better nights sleep.

Day 3 Tuesday - con't Shattered looking glass

Tuesday continued for what felt like an eternity.
We headed back to our host home for lunch and waited for Darcy to join us for "a couple of hours" of detailing what we lost, our possesions.
"Lets start in the kitchen" said Darcy. We look at a picture she took of the inside of a kitchen cabinet. "How many place settings of dishes do you have? Is that Fiestawear?" Trust me this lady knows her stuff. She could rattle brand names off better than we could recite our family members names. She also knows every home party business out there and oh boy have I contributed to just a few.
Every cabinet and drawer. The pantry. "What is behind the pitcher on the top shelf?" Every item and sometimes she would groups of things, like dish towels or hot pads. And everything assigned a value of what a new one would cost.
Next the breakfast nook, the front room, the closet, the living room and the completely gutted mud room.

The fire started in the garage. Moved into the attic above the garage and then the attic above the bed room. The firefighters must have fought hard to keep it from moving into the living room. The threashold between the mud room and livingroom is charred severely.

So we thought hard and imagined and probably closed our eyes trying to picture the coats in the mud room closet as if we were grabbing one to head out for work. Which pair of shoes would we put on. How many were there for another day. Was the gym bag there? How many extra sets of gloves and scarves were in a bin in the closet?

Next Darcy's pictures took us upstairs. The front bedrooms have little if any roof above them but the fire didn't seem to have been in the rooms much except for the ceilings. You hear about how a fire lives in movies and it sounds weird or creepy, but to see how it damaged the house and how it traveled, I understand.

There is a pile of frozen solid insulation piled on my dresser. Beneath it is my silver butterfly necklace, I believe. I hope. We will get it on Thursday, if it is there.

We continued looking  thru photos of the rooms and listing items and watching Darcy's fingers fly on the keyboard "Do you have any snacks?" she asked. We all snacked. Six hours into the process she asked if we had about another hour and a half in us. We did, so we sent Kyle to pick up Panda Express and we kept going. What was in the attic? Oh! The legos! "How many?" So very many. We guessed about $7000 worth of Legos after talking about sets we owned and all of the instruction books. My wedding dress, which I would never fit in or wear again and the list goes on.
At eight and half hours she felt we were done. Email anything you think of. "If you recover anything from the house and can keep it and can use it we'll take it off the list."
Darcy went home to a sick kid and husband that should have been asleep 3 hours ago since he works before the sun rises.

It's just stuff, right? Yes, it's just stuff. You need some of it. You grow accustomed to it being in your life. It documented or represented things and times.
We hope we are more thoughtful about the stuff we accumulate in the future.

Day 3 Tuesday - The Rabbit Hole

Tuesday just got so far away from us that reality was nowhere to be found.
We started the day with great intentions to take care of some house things,  talk to a few adjusters,  we have 3 and maybe connect with our real lives.  That didn't happen.

We headed out to the house for a10 am meeting with the adjuster for the Volkswagen,  a '71 square back.  It ran,  just needed some interior work and a paint job to freshen it up.  He arrived early and did his thing and took off before we got there.  There isn't much we could tell him about the vw that he couldn't see already.

Inside we found a propane tank hooked up to a heater for the other folks needing to spend an unbearable amount of time in the freezing carcass of the dark house, unless you are in a room with skylights that is. Diane,  the house adjuster,  was back at it detailing what she could see that would indicate what the house used to be.  I told her I couldn't imagine her job, she has been doing for decades mind you. She smiled,  oh my goodness she had a great smile,  like she had a fabulous secret and a voice timbre to go with it.  She answered,  "I get to put your life back together". She's stuck with or to us for the long haul.  She probably will be there when we walk into the newly built house.  I am grateful for having her on or team.

We also met Darcy, another adjuster.  Darcy handles property,  your stuff.  The stuff you collect.  The stuff you live with and around.  The stuff you store,  pack,  take on trips,  put on window sills,  pack again take to another island and spread all over the world and then collect back up to disperse around your home, treasure,  dust,  forget to dust and then repeat.

Darcy took 300 pictures of stuff. We will get back to that.

Then the Fire Marshall. I wish I remembered his name.  He is the kind of guy you crack a beer with,  tell inside jokes with and he likely gives giant bear hugs, not that he did.  I just could see it.  He was serious,  but jovial.  The tragedy is over,  smile move forward,  reminisce  and get to work. That he did.  He interviewed us over that propane heater for quite some time and took his own 100+ pictures,  I am sure.

He talked in detail about the garage. "You had wood in there? What kind,  what did you do with it,  how did you stain it,  cut it,  sand it? What did you do with the debris?" And on and on?  It was amazing to follow the path his mind was traveling.  "You worked on cars? What about rags,  gloves,  towels" I wasn't with him when he finally went into the remains of the garage but when he joined us back at the heater he shared that he suspects the garage furnace and said something about a motor, belts and bearings.

I have no idea how anyone can see the minutia in the debris, but they all are seeing it. He took more pictures.  Of the stove,  and other things,  to prove it wasn't those things that started the fire.

I took a break from the gathering at the propane tank heater.  Not because I was warm,  that is for sure.  I needed sunlight and to return the cat crate.  Her shepherd was excited to hear me outside the house and let me know he was alone, so I left the crate on the porch.  Next I borrowed some wool socks from Bonnie.  We chatted for a bit and a warmed up.  Then headed over to the Word's house.  Their siding melted from the heat. 

There we talked about insurance and who they should submit their claims to and liability,  meaning the insurance companies.  There I learned that their door had been kicked in by the fire department.  I am guessing they don't actually do any kicking,  but you get my drift.  They wanted to make sure the fire didn't penetrate the side of the house.  I got the Fire Marshall to go over and see what he could do to fix the door so it could be secured.

Back to Darcy finally.  She had been working on collecting those 300 pictures and needed time to do some preliminary notes and meet us "for a few hours". So we took the deceased cats to be taken care of,  which is a kind way of saying disposed of.  This whole experience has shown me how immense our community of support is,  and this truly was one of those moments.  Zoo family stepped up and offered to take care of the cats and they will become part of the zoo. Don't misunderstand; they won't be buried there and I doubt even theirknow if their ashes will be there, but they will be part of there,  if that makes any sense and that is all I can say.   Lots of hugs were involved and the kindest blue eyes peeping from over a surgical mask assured us that everything would be ok.

Before leaving the zoo we stopped by another shop so I could see someone I knew would fill my soul and spirit like a warm sip of Burbon and she did not disappoint.  I have never experienced a hug like that and it was just what I needed.

The day just got started. I will continue this in my next entry.

Day 2 - Monday... The Lost Day

I started this blog late Wednesday night, Day 4.  So any day before that was me trying to remember and muddle through the emotions.

I'm not an emotional person, so the sobs are brief.  I'm a planner.  I get the checklist done.  You can't get shit done while you are sobbing on the floor in a corner.  Even when I get in those moments part of my head is yelling "knock it off... make a list... get things organized... get shit done"

Anyway, Monday is lost.  I have no memories of Monday.  According to my calendar I needed to drop off my Yukon for a previously scheduled appointment and I had a chiro appointment that I went to (these appointments were for the car accident in December).  After that other than looking for a cold, frightened cat in frigid temperatures I remember nothing of Monday.

Tom and Kyle also have no recollection of what we did that day.  We looked at texts, phone call history, fb messages.  Nothing.  Just a day to deal with it.

Day 1 Sunday - The Fog sets In

Because I'm writing this a few days in it might not flow well and I'm already starting to forget the details, but here goes:

After a painful night of very poor sleep we dragged ourselves out of bed and put the clothes we wore last night back on. Tom and I tried to make a plan for the day, but it seemed we were talking in circles and needed to switch gears to just thinking of one step at a time. Our friend, Brian, kindly kept Kyle at his condo and gave him a bachelor's breakfast of a Jimmy Dean breakfast biscuit.  I'm pretty sure the two bachelors did just fine and enjoyed some gaming time while Tom and I headed out.

We headed to Target for Starbucks most of all, but picked up a few essentials and underwear, socks and shoes for Kyle. He left the house in his pjs and slippers, that is it!  I went to the manager and explained our situation and asked if he was able to give a bit of a discount and he very kindly did. Now that I was able to brush my hair we grabbed a bite to eat from a diner and tried to formulate plans.

This is when we became acutely aware of how many people in our lives were reaching out. GoFundMe had been set up.  E-cards were being sent and a friend met us at Kohl's with a gift card in hand.  So we picked up Kyle and headed to Kohl's so he could get out of his pjs and so we could go search for the kitty we thought may have escaped.  

The guys were quite mission based in gathering necessary clothes to get their lives going.  I truly struggled.  Khaki's!  I need Khaki's for my volunteer day this weekend.  Slacks for work.  It's so cold, tights, oh, forgot a skirt.  Jeans, a few tops and undergarments and oh, work shoes... Snowboots are only going to get me through so many days and my feet will overheat in the office.  There was no shopping therapy occurring.  Just bags of essential clothing to get us from one laundry load to the next.  Kohl's was also very gracious and extended a discount.  I have friends there.  I worked there.  There were hugs and words of encouragement.

Now we had to face the music.  We had to go see the house and search for a possibly terrified and frozen cat.  If only we knew who it was.  That would give us an idea of where he or she would hide, maybe.  Izzy and Chloe were very different cats but inseparable.  Pulling up to the house and seeing how much of it was gone was shocking and overwhelming, but I was on a mission.  Calling for the cat and walking around in freezing cold temperature and there was still running water coming from the house; leaking from the structure after being bombarded with water from the firehoses.  

We headed inside.  Belongings strewn about.  Furniture overturned. Icicles forming from the ceilings. Stalagtites.  The walls were black and there insulation and sheetrock crumbled into frozen piles everywhere.  I found myself in wonder of the pattern and shading of the soot on the walls and ceiling.  For a moment I realized it was almost an appealing color for an accent wall.  Looking around we wondered what could be salvaged and thinking we'd be able to wash clothes hanging in the closets so nicely.

I think this is when we met Diane, our property adjuster.  Her job is to assess what our structure provided for us and to facilitate the other people that will become involved in getting us on the path to being in a home again. She discussed our coverage in a blur of words that basically let me know that our house was insured well, we had our stuff insured and we had a temporary house to be able to get into when it is found.

We let her know there was a deceased cat in the house and another possibly wandering around outside.  A second "board up" company was scheduled to secure what the one that came last night missed such as sliding glass doors that popped off their tracks because the freezing water heaved them aside.

This is when we started thinking about our real lives and needed to let our work know that we needed more time than we originally thought.

We left the house after searching for the cat some more and headed to a friends home.  The have a large home where they raised four kids who are now at college or living on their own.  At the house we discovered we would have the entire large basement and a bedroom and bathroom to create our space while we wait to get a temporary home.  I am so exceptionally grateful for being taken in and for having space to call our own for a short period of time.

The Phone Call...

12:07 am...Sunday morning... more like Saturday night since we were still awake and headed home from a night out for dinner and cocktails with our friend.  I missed the call.  Tom got the next call a minute later and was behind the wheel 10 minutes from the house.  We were headed to drop Brian off at his condo.

Tom did a u-turn and somehow (remembering days later) drove down Pilot Knob without hitting a light.  When we crested Esquire by Daisy Knoll Park Tom exclaimed.  He saw the fire on the garage roof already.

I remember seeing Kyle in the Camry parked by the cul de sac, but I ran towards the house.  He was safe, broken, frightened but safe.  My cats were the only thing on my mind.  Open the FUCKING DOORS!  let the cats have escape routes.

shit... i just can't... the cats make me cry more than anything...

The officer that grabbed me and held me back was so strong.  I'm sure he held me up as much as held me back from running to the house.

Part of my head wondered why the firefighters were moving so slow but the crazy logical part of me knows.  They are lives, souls, precious people that need to be cautious and methodical.  It's just stuff, just a structure.... except for my cats...

Tom tells me days later that the firefighters could hear explosions... 2 propane tanks, car tires, numerous aerosol cans.  Was it ammunition?  Be safe, don't rush in.  Plan your attack.  We don't own any guns or ammunition.

An angel came out in her robe into the freezing cold.  Cold that was causing near convulsions from shivering.  After much prodding and encouragement took us into her home where we sat in her bay windowed breakfast nook that I frequently have admired and watched the firefighters attack.  We watched the flare ups and the ladder truck extend up and attack.

I sat there helpless, watching, listening to conversation around me but not hearing the words.  I looked at my phone... ridiculous... why post this ... such a social media slave... but that is where my worlds come together.  That is where I reach the most of the people I know.  So I posted, almost ashamed of doing it.

Looking at the fire trucks in the dark street back lit by flames I realized I might know one of them.  I hoped he was there because I know of his work ethic and found comfort that a friend might already be helping me.  All the firefighters are probably cut of the same cloth, but just thinking that he might be there was of some comfort.  If he was there then it was likely his wife wasn't sleeping soundly, so I messaged her and learned that he was indeed at a scene.  Once the flames were gone and I was able to get just a tiny bit closer I sought him out.  He was there.  I wish I hadn't.  I saw his face change.  I saw his eyes change.  I hope I didn't make it harder to do his job.

The front door had been opened and the firefighters thought they may have seen a cat escape.  They weren't sure, but at the time that helped.  But the cold... the frigid cold.  I just couldn't be there anymore.  We couldn't get close.  There was nothing to do.  Kyle, Brian and I finally left to go to the condo.  Tom stayed to talk with the police and firefighters about the cat and the fire, what little that could be talked about at 2 am on a frigid night full of icy water and smoldering structure.

I pretty much collapsed on the bed and Kyle on the couch.  I remember Tom coming in at 4:30.  I was awake by 5:30.  It was a hopeless night of no sleep.